New Age, New Heroes, More Of This Crap
is a superhero movie created by . The movie was created as a chance for RTA fan to vent his frustration about the overabundance of superhero movies dominating Hollywood and theaters around the world. Synopsis In a place known as the OtheRTAverse, there is panic in the midst of former hero Jess Martinez escaping from the forces of Hell. She was considered dead for the past eight years and upon discovering her survival, gods from above grant superhuman abilities to four people and recruit one person who they believe was "fine as is" and someone already with superpowers, as they are entrusted with saving the world from what Jess' squad couldn't. Transcript A hellish landscape is shown, with fire burning all around. The camera shows a woman in a chamber, who appears badly hurt, as a demon stands over her with a trident in its hand. :Woman: I'm not giving up. I'm not dying today. You've taken my allies, but I'm keeping this legacy alive! The woman works through her pain as she launches a telekinetic force at the demon and starts to run out of the chamber, and runs out into the main part of Hell. She pushes some buttons as a portal appears. She jumps through and closes it before looking out to see Boston. :Woman: It works. The woman walks through the city, trying to find a clothes shop to replace her tattered attire, as people all around stare at her. The woman then enters a shop as she is then seen taking some clothes to a cashier, who seems to recognise her. :Cashier: Jess Martinez? :Jess: How the hell do you remember me? It's been eight years! :Cashier: Just a hunch. Jess raises her eyebrows as she hands the money for the clothes over. :Cashier: Where were you, anyway? :Jess: Literal Hell. :Cashier: What, did you have a kid? :Jess: Don't you remember? I was chosen to be a hero? We had a plan that failed hard? Everyone was assumed dead? The cashier pauses. :Cashier: Oh yeahh. The cashier then takes the money, counts it up then puts it in the cash register. Jess then walks out, before hiding in an alley to change her clothes. After doing so, she tosses the rag of her old clothes in a garbage can, seeming to want to forget what happened in the past. ---- The next scene shows a small house in Arlington, Texas. A woman is seen gathering some things, with a stroller near the door and the woman on the phone, sorting a child out. :Woman: Look, Joe, all I'm asking of you is to look after Trish while I take J.C. to the cinema. The movie's utter shit, but it'll shut him up for a couple of hours, complaining about how Trish's flames are burning his nuggets for the hundredth fucking time. :Joe: Indigo, it really isn't that easy. I'm a god, I can't just take her along with me. :Indigo: Yeah you can. It's called Take Your Kid To Work Day. It's the thing that cost me my fucking job. :Joe: What do you expect me to do? Teleport down to Arlington? :Indigo: You're. A. Fucking. God. You can do that, for fuck's sake! Indigo slams the phone down as J.C. looks up at her. :J.C.: Mommy, my teacher says the words you use are very strong. :Indigo: Oh, fuck her! It's not like you already knew them! Indigo grabs a jacket as she walks out with her children. A group of gods are then shown, with some in disbelief and some staring at Joe. :God #1: That's who you slept with? :Joe: Yup. I don't know what happened either. :God #2: She doesn't seem like a good mother... very... foul-mouthed. Not what you would want her to be when she has two infants around her. Joe puts his head in his hands as Indigo is seen arriving at the theater, when the ticket seller notices her approaching. :Ticket Seller: Oh boy. Indigo walks up to him. :Indigo: Hey, we booked two for the Maca Paca Adventures? :Ticket Seller: The screening got delayed... Indigo raises her eyebrows as she looks in, to see the theater filled with superhero movie-related promotions. Her face then starts going red. :J.C.: Mommy...? The infant Trish can only watch as their mother enters the theater, as they hear a scream of pure frustration as Indigo smashes up all of the promotions without a second thought. She then turns to the crowd in the lobby, who are all staring at her. :Indigo: WHAT?! CAN'T I BE FUCKING PISSED ABOUT HOW MANY OF THESE FUCKING SUPERHEROES THERE ARE?! I'VE SEEN TOO MUCH OF THEM! TOO MANY MOVIES I'VE WANTED TO SEE GOT TAKEN OFF IN FAVOUR OF FUCKING CAPTAIN AMERICA! IN FAVOUR OF FUCKING IRON MAN! IN FAVOUR OF GOD. DAMN. FECES. MAN. WHY DO YOU JUST FLOCK TO THEM?! THEY'RE UTTER SHIT! Indigo is then thrown out by security as she looks at her children, then sees the father of J.C.. :Indigo: What do you want? :J.C.'s father: You know what I want. I won custody over J.C. a month ago. The period's up. Indigo looks down at J.C., who hugs her one more time before going with his father. Indigo appears to be holding back tears, before she spots Joe. Her tears then turn into fury as she runs at Joe, grabbing him by his collar. :Indigo: ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCK MY LIFE OVER?! HE'D COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT UNTIL NOW! J.C. IS A HUGE PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU'VE JUST GOTTEN HIM TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME JUST LIKE THAT! THREE YEARS FOR JACK SHIT! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS?!?! I LOST A JOB, MY MOTHER DISOWNED ME, I WAS NEARLY FUCKING HOMELESS! J.C. HELPED ME THROUGH THAT! IT'S WHY I FUCKING HATE SUPERHEROES! I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT ONE WON'T SUDDENLY SWOOP DOWN AND SAVE MY ASS FROM FUCKING BANKRUPTCY IF THAT EVER COMES UP FOR ME! Joe appears to be finding something to say, before finally thinking of something. :Joe: Check your hand. Indigo then holds her other hand up, as a flame starts from it. Joe chuckles nervously as Indigo pulls her fist back and punches him hard in the face as the screen goes black. ---- Jess is seen walking down a road, looking around at the world she has not seen for eight years. :Jess: (narrating) So, I should clear this up. I'm Jess Martinez, a girl who a while ago, was chosen to save the world. I went all over, stopping demons, aliens and humans who overstepped a certain mark. I ranked rather low when I was part of this team. Jess stops and looks up. :Jess: (narrating) There was one massive mistake we made though. It resulted in everyone dying but me. We had to attack a Hell wave. We didn't realise how useless our weapons would be and that our powers wouldn't be enough. And as a result of surviving... they kept me alive. Tortured me. I've only just escaped, as you'd probably know. Not like you need to read any comic book or anything. While Jess is looking up, someone on a skateboard knocks her to the ground and knocks her out. The camera then shows Jess' point of view. :Voice: (echoing) Hey, jackass! Jess slowly comes around to see a woman hovering over her. :Woman: (echoing) What the fuck were you thinking?! Jess slowly gets up. :Jess: What were you thinking? You could've at least warned me! The woman scoffs as Jess fully stands up. :Jess: Who even are you? :Woman: Rachel Sanchez, the next thing to blow up unless you don't move your stupid ass! Rachel shoves Jess aside as Jess watches her move unusually quickly. She looks around before spotting Rachel grinding a high voltage wire. :'Jess': Uh oh... ''Jess flies over using her powers to try and convince Rachel to come down, but before she gets there, Rachel loses her balance and unwisely grabs the wire. She is given a harsh electric shock, followed by her falling into a vat of unusually coloured water. :Jess: This isn't good, this isn't good, this isn't good! Jess goes down to get Rachel out of the vat and uses her telekinesis to do so. As she puts Rachel down, she spots a large notice on the vat saying "Warning: Do not use this water personally. Doing so can induce superhuman abilities". She then looks down at Rachel, as the camera then shows her DNA changing rapidly in her unconsciousness. Jess then calls 911 as she waits for the paramedics. :Jess: I'm hoping I haven't just watched someone die... ---- The next scene starts with a shot of a small village. A Cameroonian flag is visible as one of the huts is shown, with an old woman and a fairly younger woman with a notepad. It is shown that the same gods from before are watching her. :God #1: So, who's this? :God #2: It's Anna Hernandez. She's the daughter of the President of El Salvador. She's usually all over the place. The other gods nod as they Anna's notes are seen. It is shown that the old woman used to be a hero herself. :Anna: What made you give up the heroic life, anyway? :Woman: Well... The woman lifts one of her trouser legs to show a prosthetic leg. :Anna: ...Oh. That seems... painful. Anna struggles to find a way to continue, but before she can say anything, she starts getting dizzy. :Anna: (in her head) What the hell? Anna then has a series of visions. She has visions of demons, an attempted alien attack and someone aiming a shotgun directly at her. As a result of the flurry of visions, Anna collapses. The old woman looks over her, confused. The scene then cuts to her being fully conscious again, walking out of the woman's hut, where she finds a woman with an unusual aura around her. :Anna: Who are you? :Woman: A goddess. Anna raises her eyebrows. :Woman: I'm the one who gave you the visions. :Anna: But why? :Woman: That woman you were talking with... she was in a group that us gods selected to save the world. :Anna: But... what's that got to do with me? :Woman: You've been selected to be part of the new generation of heroes. Anna looks at the woman. :Anna: And you had to give me visions cause...? :Woman: That's your power. That and telekinesis. Anna sighs and puts her hand against her head. :Woman: Hey, how am I supposed to do it? "Hey, guess what, you're a superhuman now?" :Anna: It'd be better than bringing them on all of a sudden in the middle of an interview! Anna sighs as she decides to try and use her telekinesis to fly off. The goddess then looks down at a sheet, which has "Indigo Wakefield" struck through. She strikes through "Anna Hernandez" as she looks down at the next one, "LaMonica Tristanson". :Woman: Should be easy. I think. The woman then teleports out of the village. ---- A man is seen in a van, as he turns his radio on to Straight Outta Compton. He smirks as he starts nodding his head to the beat and rapping along to it. Straight outta Compton Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube From the gang called- The man's phone goes off, causing him to pause the song and answer it on loudspeaker. :Man: Yo, what? I was killin' it with my boy O'Shea there! :Voice: LaMonica, we need your assistance quicker than we thought. LaMonica sighs. :LaMonica: Fine. LaMonica turns his phone off then his music back on. You too, boy, if you fuck with me-'' :'LaMonica': What the hell?! I paused it at- ''LaMonica sighs as he is shown arriving at the building. He looks up and sees a massive logo on it. :LaMonica: Sinday. What a crap name. LaMonica steps in before realising there are robots everywhere. The company's CEO is seen, greeting LaMonica. :LaMonica: I... thought you guys were a movie studio. This looks like a fucking... car factory. :CEO: Oh, we are. We just built robots intelligent enough to write scripts for full-length movies. LaMonica looks at the CEO, eyebrows raised. :LaMonica: Look, I know Hollywood's awful, but this is a new low. :CEO: These robots are going to bring in all the money! They've been taught to do the same cliches over and over without people catching on, they can write action scenes with no logical sense in them, and they can even put Dwayne Johnson in the perfect role. LaMonica sees the CEO's eyes slowly turn into dollar signs. :LaMonica: Hollywood's gon' full cray-cray. LaMonica goes off to get some supplies as he's seen measuring up holes in the wall, seemingly for windows to be placed. The same woman who Anna met then teleports near him. :LaMonica: What the hell? :Woman: Look, I'm gonna make this quick. I know you know Jess Martinez. I know you've been looking for her for eight years. She's alive, you're one of her successors. :LaMonica: Wait- The woman then teleports away before LaMonica can say anything else. He then looks up. :LaMonica: Is this gonna be like one of those movies where I'm never given any answers?! LaMonica gets no response then rolls his eyes. :LaMonica: Taking that as a yes. People in this world are idiots sometimes. LaMonica gets back on with his job as the woman is seen in an unusual dimension, before the ghost of Rachel appears and she goes over to her. ---- The ghost of Rachel wakes up to see the weird colours all around her. She then sits up to see the woman. :Rachel: Where the hell am I? :Woman: This is where you go in between life and death. Rachel pauses. :Rachel: Are you implying I died? :Woman: No, no. You, judging from your aura, are having a near-death experience. Rachel looks around. :Rachel: What did I even do? :Woman: You grabbed a wire, harsh shock, landed in some water, nearly drowned, the water had some stuff that granted superpowers... Rachel looks confused as the woman kneels down. :Woman: You'll find out soon enough. :Rachel: Wait- The woman disappears as Rachel receives another harsh shock. It is shown to be a defibrillator as her eyes open, she gasps and Jess tries taking the defibrillators away. :Jess: Come on, shocking someone who suffered a huge electric shock's really not gonna help! Rachel sits up, enraged by what they were doing. :Rachel: Dude! What the hell?! Rachel appears very unamused before she hears crackling. :Rachel: Where the hell's that coming from? Jess looks down at Rachel's hands, which have been completely enveloped in electrical bolts. :Jess: It's coming from you, Ms. Sanchez. Rachel raises her eyebrows before looking down at her hands herself and seeing the bolts. :Rachel: Oh, Jesus. Rachel looks at the nurse. :Rachel: There's nothing serious, right? :Nurse: We're waiting for scan results. Doctors are scared of what happened to you. :Rachel: Please, I'm still breathing, I'm fine! :Nurse: Ms. Martinez here told us that the water you fell into had chemicals that induce superhuman abilities, we can't just let you go. Rachel narrows her eyes as she suddenly disappears, leaving all the equipment behind as she is shown on top of the Chrysler Building. :Rachel: Holy shit, that's insane! Rachel smirks as she teleports again, this time to an empty stadium in Denver. :Rachel: Ew, the Broncos. Rachel teleports one more time, ending up in the Oracle Arena. She appears annoyed as she uses her powers to malfunction the scoreboard. :Rachel: Fucking Fourpeat bullshit. Rachel then teleports out of the arena and goes back home. ---- A somewhat large sports complex is shown, with someone standing at the home plate of a baseball field. He looks back into the building as the gods from before are seen again. :God #1: Who's this one? :God #2: Hakeem Davenport. I'm not sure if he even needs any powers, he's pretty tremendous as is. :God #3: What do you mean? :God #2: Just watch. Hakeem blasts a home run as he runs into the complex, grabbing a basketball on the way before leaping up and dunking the ball with one hand. Hakeem then flicks a football up, playing keepy-up for a bit before blasting it at a barrel and volleying it into a net on the rebound. After this, he gets onto a skateboard as he clears a large stair set with one jump before sliding down a rail over another stairset. Hakeem then goes down a steep incline before leaping off a large ramp as another basketball is launched, which Hakeem catches and dunks into a different hoop, before dropping down onto a safety mat. As he gets off, Hakeem's friend goes over to him. :Hakeem's friend: Dude, that was crazy! :Hakeem: Thanks! :Hakeem's friend: How did you even get it in your head to do that? :Hakeem: Well, I'm good at baseball, I'm good at basketball, I'm good at skateboarding, I'm good at soccer... why not combine 'em into one run? Hakeem's friend shrugs as Hakeem is seen coming out of the complex a bit later, where he sees a god waiting for him. :Hakeem: Uh... you know half your body's frozen right? :God: Yeah. Trust me, I'm a god and this is normal. Hakeem looks at the god, appearing skeptical of what he just said. :Hakeem: What dark path are you taking me down? :God: Oh, it's not a dark path. I think it's more enlightening than anything. :Hakeem: You do realise how creepy this sounds right? The god thinks for a second. :God: Look, the point is, you've been chosen for a group of heroes but for whatever reason they aren't giving you any special powers because they think you're good enough with your atleticism. :Hakeem: Huh? :God: You've been chosen to save the world. :Hakeem: Oh. The god then disappears. :Hakeem: Dunno what training I'll need for that. Hakeem scratches his head as he goes back into the complex to try and figure out which way he should train. ---- A shot of St. Louis is shown, before a woman is seen entering the back door of a Greenbacks cafe, taking her jacket and gloves off as a colleague walks over. :Colleague: You alright, Natasha? :Natasha: Yeah, just been in a rush this morning. Natasha clears her throat as she pulls an apron and a hat out of her jacket pocket and goes over to the counter to serve the next person, who appears to be very drunk, fumbling all over the place. :Customer: (drunkenly) 5 bottles of vodka! :Natasha: We don't do alcohol here, sir. This is a cafe. The customer stares at her, confused by what she just said. :Natasha: There are others waiting. The customer walks out of the cafe as Natasha sighs. The next customer comes up, who is partially covered in plant life. :Natasha: Ma'am, you know half your body's covered in plants, right? :Customer #2: Yes. Gods and goddesses are usually covered in what their element is. :Natasha: ...Huh? :Customer #2: I'm a goddess, Ms. Isyanov. :Natasha: How do you know my name? :Customer #2: You were chosen. To save this planet. From any dangers. And now, it's time you stepped up to it. Natasha appears to be in disbelief of what the customer is saying, before Natasha looks down and notices plants forming around her feet. She looks at the customer, who tilts her head and disappears. :Natasha: Oh no. Natasha attempts to keep herself calm, but fails to. She then runs out the back door, panicking as she takes some pills out of her pocket and takes one of them. As she puts her back on the wall, she starts noticing ice forming from her hands. :Natasha: This isn't funny! Natasha goes back into the building as she grabs her jacket and puts her gloves on. She goes over to her manager. :Natasha: Hey, some chick's just given me superpowers all of a sudden and I need to get to the bottom of it. :Manager: Do you need some time off? Natasha nods. :Manager: Alright, thanks for letting me know. Natasha nods as she runs out and gets into her car, frantically trying to find something out about what happened. ---- Anna is seen pacing around a room. She puts her focus on a mug on a table as it rises up. Eventually, it reaches her as she captures it and she sighs. :Anna: Why me, of all people? The goddess teleports into the room with Anna. :Goddess: You're not the only one. Anna turns around to the goddess. :Anna: That doesn't answer my question! Why was I chosen? :Goddess: We need people to protect this planet. People here can be complete scum. No regard for others' life. They need to be taught a lesson in humanit. :Anna: By harming them?! The goddess stutters. :Anna: Again. Why. Was. I. Picked? :Goddess: It... kind of relates to your father's... past. Anna rolls her eyes and scoffs. :Anna: If you think I'm into politics, you can just go and look at yourself in the mirror. I'm not going down that path as long as I live and have free will. I don't even remember anything he's taught me! I'm 23, I've got plenty of time! Why do it now?! :Goddess: Because you are needed now. Anna sighs and pinches her nose. :Anna: At this point I'm sure el diablo will be kinder than the gods in this universe. The goddess then puts her hand on Anna's shoulder as they teleport out of the room. ---- Indigo is seen barging into her house, clearly very annoyed. Joe enters the house too as Indigo turns around to him. :Indigo: Get. Out. You've caused me enough pain as it is. :Joe: Look, don't try and just ignore me because of this. I'm a god, I can appear anywhere. Indigo then suddenly pulls a pistol out of her jacket, which startles Joe. :Joe: Where did you get a gun?! :Indigo: I got one after you left me to look after Trish on my own! Reminds people of what happens when they treat me like shit! :Joe: I've said this so many times - I'm a god, I can't just run around after you because you had my child! :Indigo: And it doesn't mean you can just fuck my life over too! If being a god centers around being a dick, I don't want anything to do with that life. Indigo turns to the kitchen as Joe speaks up. :Joe: I mean, you're 50% of the way there. Indigo's face is seen slowly going red. She directs her gun at Joe's head. Her eyes slowly go red as she starts pulling the trigger. Before she can, however, Joe teleports her elsewhere. ---- Rachel is seen sleeping, when she is suddenly surrounded by five ghosts. She wakes up and looks around at them. :Rachel: Who are you? :Ghost #1: We're past soldiers. Fought a demonic threat. Came up short. Rachel looks at them groggily, seeming to not believe them. :Rachel: Can you stop haunting me, it's 4AM and I need some fucking sleep... Rachel goes back to sleep, but not for long as the ghosts lift her bed up and carry her out of her house. :Rachel: Hey, take me the fuck back! The ghosts don't listen as they suddenly teleport to a warehouse. The ghosts disappear as Rachel gets out of her bed. She looks around as she sees the other five pacing around. :Rachel: Where the hell are we? The other five look towards Rachel. :Natasha: Beats me. :Hakeem: I don't know. :Joe: You're in Brooklyn. Indigo's face starts going red as she pulls her gun out. She starts firing into the darkness which causes everyone to back out of her way. :LaMonica: What the hell you doin' that for, girl? Anna thinks fast as she uses her telekinesis to knock Indigo's gun out of her hand. Joe then comes forth, as Indigo runs at him with her hand's lit up with fire. :Indigo: FUCKING BAST-'' Natasha wraps Indigo's feet up in vines as she trips to the floor. :'LaMonica: Look, just be straight up with us here: Why are we in this warehouse? :Joe: If you want it put simply, here we go. Joe clears his throat. :Joe: About... eight years ago and through the ages, we have had groups of people. They protected the world from whatever came their way. They were heroes. But... one day, they went to fight a force from Hell. They failed and all but one died. We need you to continue their legacy. All of them but Indigo look confused. :Hakeem: Why did you only wait until now to make us heroes? :Joe: Well, most of you weren't even 16 when everything unraveled. Anyway, you all have nicknames for when- Indigo's face flares up with rage as she gets up and grabs Joe by his collar. :Indigo: '''''WHAT'S WRONG WITH USING OUR ACTUAL NAMES?! The other five raise their eyebrows. :Anna: She isn't leading this team, is she? :Joe: Oh, no, Ms. Hernandez. You were elected leader. Anyway, you have nicknames so your identity is safe and so your friends don't know. :Indigo: WHAT FUCKING FRIENDS?! I LOST THEM ALL AFTER YOU FUCKED MY LIFE UP! Joe chuckles nervously as LaMonica, Anna, Rachel, Hakeem and Natasha look very uncomfortable. :Hakeem: Run, man. Before you're murdered. Joe teleports out as Jess enters and Rachel recognises her. :Rachel: Aren't you the chick who saved me? :Jess: Yes, Ms. Sanchez. :Rachel: What the hell are you doing here? :Jess: I'm Jess Martinez. That hero Joe was on about. Jess rolls her sleeve up to show demonic scars on her arm. :Jess: I was trapped in Hell for eight years. The imagery I saw... I won't forget. For lack of a better way to put it, it was disturbing. Don't. Fuck. Up. Jess walks out as the team contemplate what to do. :Indigo: JOE, YOU KNOW I HAVE A CHILD TO LOOK AFTER, GET ME BACK TO ARLINGTON NOW! Indigo's call falls on deaf ears as she gets increasingly angrier, smashing the warehouse up while the others introduce each other. ---- Indigo is seen in the corner, pouting as the others save for Hakeem are practicing with their powers. Rachel then looks to the wall and narrows her eyes. :Rachel: I know how to get outta here. The others look to her. Rachel picks up some debris from Indigo's rampage, which appears to be a very heavy slab. She tosses it at the wall, which causes it to come down. The others smirk. :Natasha: You fucking genius. Indigo suddenly leaps up and dashes for the gap Rachel made. However, just as she steps out, Indigo is hit by an extrasensory wave. She screams out in pain as the others looks horrified. :Indigo: Help me! Anna decides to take charge as she uses her telekinesis to overpower and shut down the wave harming Indigo. as the team look around, they sigh. :Natasha: I don't know why I've been brought here! :Anna: I don't think any of us do. But we can't waste any time. We need the answers now. The others nod as Indigo looks out at Manhattan. :Indigo: I could've made it here... Indigo walks on with the others. They then spot a woman covered in vines, who Natasha notices. :Natasha: Hey! The woman turns around. :Woman: How did you get out of that warehouse? Rachel smirks as the others point at her. :Woman: You're meant to stay there until you get your orders. :Indigo: Fuck your orders! We've got fucking lives back home! We can't drop it all to just play fucking Let's Be Superheroes! :Anna: You can't treat us awfully just because you are gods. You're also meant to help people. Delegating that duty to ordinary people like us is not doing that. It's ruining our lives more than anything. :Woman: That's not the case. :Anna: Then what is the case? The woman struggles to come up with an answer. She then teleports away, knowing she's been bested. :'Anna''': (under her breath) That's exactly what I thought. ---- TBA Characters Reception TBA Trivia TBA Category:Films Category:RTA's Things Category:Parody